HI Ben, I feel your pain. I have been a user since 2009, and been patiently putting up with the brain-dead text formatting since then. You are right, it is a disgrace and I've finally found a good alternative.
I am now in the process of switching to Microsoft OneNote. Prior to now, there has been nothing that could offer the seamless syncing, quality webclipper and iPad Pro Pencil integration (Penultimate). But recent updates to OneNote now match/exceed Evernote in these categories, and of course, it has amazing text editing capabilities with graphics integration.
OneNote has a very functional tool for importing notebooks directly from Evernote. I recommend you import just one notebook at a time, as it dumps them in a central location in One Note and you will have to reassign to their notebook system. The Windows importer is very robust, the Mac version, not so much.