Hey everyone, issue resolved.
I was actually able to find a ticket submission option through the Evernote website; I think my browser just failed to load this option the first time.
I apologize for my arrogance - Evernote was actually quite available for me and helped out.
As for the strange tech issue:
It wasn’t a bug at all - my account was compromised by a third party apparently, so what I needed to do was reset my password.